Missing What is Gone
by AryaZEvans
Summary: Izuku is reincarnated as Tsuna and can definitely tell the difference when his flames are sealed. He has a lack of will. Inko is reincarnated as Nana and desperately misses the people she once knew. She has a lack of love. But, somehow, both of them find a little bit of hope that they may not be lacking for much longer.
1. A Lack of Will

I was told to warn you guys that there might be some triggers here for suicide. There will be times where it will seem that Izuku/Tsuna is considering it, but I promise that does not actually cross his mind. It is not even directly referenced. That being said, please take care of yourselves. Please don't read the story if you feel it might trigger anything. Other than that, I decided a while ago that I was going to write something for Dareagon, but I only just got to it. I hope you like it Dare!

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Tsuna wasn't entirely sure as to when he started to remember. Did he dream of heroes as a baby? Did he see old friends in the kids at preschool? Did he slowly just remember moments long past in his much too common fits of daydreams? He sometimes wondered about this, but not too often. To do so more often would require will power, something he once had but has been missing for years. People seemed to think that he needed to motivate himself, find a passion, a drive. But it wasn't simple. His will isn't just dormant, it is gone, and that is another thing that he sometimes wonders about. But instead of wondering when he remembered, he wonders when he forgot.

He knows that he hasn't always been like this. He remembers days where his will, and his will alone, was what kept him standing. Days where he had desperately clung to hope. Days where all the odds were against him. Days where he was all alone. Through all of this, will power is what had helped him beat the odds. And he knows that it didn't go away once he was reborn, he had it once in this life too.

But now he simply lacks it.

Maybe in another world, another life, he would get scared of his lack of will and ability, and eventually become scared of everything. He would be constantly nervous, leaving him klutzy and far too likely to panic. Everything would constantly be too much, and there were times where it got so bad that he would have times where the sensory overload was so intense he would completely shut down. It would seem like he was daydreaming, but it was anything but

The difference was those memories he would wonder about. He could remember what it was like to be normal. He understood more about his situation. He isn't scared like he might have been. Instead he is just so, so numb.

There are moments, though, where it doesn't seem so far away. Moments where he will get a very welcome rush of what feels like adrenaline in his systems. It helps him get away from some of the meaner bullies, actually get his homework done sometimes, and clean his room every once in a while. It only happens every once in a while, but he finds himself living for those moments.

In those moments he can make Mom happy. He can come up with hopeful dreams for the future. He can make sense of what is being taught at school. Those precious times make him feel less like Dame-Tsuna, in those moments he is Deku, the number one hero and symbol of peace. The boy with friends, ambitions, and the will he so often lacks.

Then he will suddenly be Dame-Tsuna again. The world will lose some of its color. He loses energy. He becomes apathetic. He just doesn't care, because nothing matters. "Why bother?" he mutters to himself, "It's not like I could do anything anyways."

And that is the cold, hard truth. He knows because he tried at first. He would try to smile at his Mom. He would try to make friends. He would try to keep up with his studies. But nothing worked, so he gave up. Life is so, so empty most of the time. And he knows what he's missing, which makes everything so much worse.

So he dreams of learning in school, even when his teachers and classmates were against him. He dreams of feeling everything so vividly that he is known for crying about the smallest things, happy tears, sad tears, laughing tears, hurt tears. He dreams of having friends he supports and how he supports them. He wouldn't change those dreams for the world, but, then again, the world isn't worth much to him anyways.

His life is an endless cycle of having, missing, doing, dreaming, hoping, and keeping. He keeps this all to himself. He doesn't have any friends, Dad is overseas, and Mom does so much already. He doesn't want to burden her with his problems. There's nothing she can do about them anyways, so it's better to just keep it to himself.

He tells himself that he's fine, that nothing is wrong. But deep, deep inside, he knows that's a lie. So maybe that's why he's not so upset when Reborn arrives./p

His life changed more than he ever could have imagined when he opened his front door to find a small child. It's only been ten minutes since his first encounter with Reborn, as he introduced himself, and his life has been turned on its head. Apparently the World's Greatest Hitman is a child who can't be more than three years old. Apparently a chameleon can turn into weapons. Apparently Mom thinks Reborn is a home tutor.

He decides it isn't worth bothering too much with and heads off the school. So, of course, Reborn decides to go to school with him by sitting on his head. Reborn seems to think it's a great place to sit and Tsuna really, really doesn't want to bother at this point. This seems to be the sort of situation where no one cares what he wants anyways.

Then he runs into Kyoko and things get even more confusing. He's always admired Kyoko for how vibrant she seems to be. She seems to have everything he's ever wanted and he wishes he could be like her. And Reborn picks up on that and completely misinterprets the cause of his admiration.

Him having a crush on Kyoko? He can see why Reborn might think that, but that's really, really not a thing. He tries to explain this to Reborn, slightly flustered about idea of Kyoko hearing that and getting the wrong idea. Unfortunately, that only seems to reinforce Reborn's belief in this crush.

And then Reborn orders him to confess to her. He tries again to explain that he doesn't actually have a crush on her, but apparently Reborn doesn't like that response. Since Reborn is, apparently, in the mafia, he seems to have decided to take care of the mafia way and pulls out a gun. Then Reborn shoots him right in the forehead.

He feels himself falling, dying but all of a sudden he feels his will. It's a part of him again and willing, wanting is as natural as breathing. He doesn't want to die, he wants to live this moment. These moments are what he lives for and he will not let death keep him from a moment like this.

Oh, and he wants to clear up Reborn's misconception- but that's really just a side note. He doesn't want to die. He wants to live. He wants to will. And so he does.

When he opens his eyes the world is vibrant again. He feels his will so strongly, more than he has felt it in what seems like forever. The feeling is so strong that he can feel himself tearing up. He feels more like Izuku now than either Deku or Tsuna, so he does what Izuku would do- he drops to his knees and cries and cries and cries. He cries not just because he's happy, but because he finally can.

The numbness will hurt more when it comes back. Reborn will want to know what happened. There is no way he will be able to make it to school on time. But right here, right now, he just doesn't care. All he cares about is this moment, and he wishes, with all his will, that this will last forever.

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Thank you so much for reading! Any constructive critisism would be great! I hope you guys all have a great day!

Also posted on Wattpad and ao3.

Thank you for letting me know about it being messed up at first! I hope this helps.


	2. A Lack of Love

Nana had always remembered before. She remembers her little Izuku, who grew to not be so little anymore, bigger than she ever thought he could be. [If only she had believed in him,] She remembers all of his friends, from Katsuki to Ochako to Shouto. [If only she had noticed the bullying.] She remembers her husband, though those memories aren't as clear due to his three decade absence in her life. [If only she had known that he would leave her for something as small and stupid as their son being quirkless.]

She remembers her sunny little neighborhood, her tidy little apartment, her favorite chair that her grandmother gifted her before she passed away. [She misses them so much.] She remembers the neighbor's cats, Shiro and Kuro, who always managed to slip into her apartment and make a mess of the place. [She misses them too, even though she was allergic to cats and their visits left her sneezing for days.] She remembers the old computer that she would have to hit a couple of times before it would start loading. [She misses that too, somehow, even though it would frustrate her to no end.]

She remembers the stress that came with her baby boy living his dream and being haunted by terrifying nightmares. [Over 75% of Pro Heros die on the job.] She remembers him stressing over her. [Over 90% of Pro Heros' families are targeted by villains more than once during their lifetime.] She remembers training herself at his insistence. [Once she started she never stopped, finding that she actually enjoyed it.]

Izuku also asked her to train her quirk, saying that it was just as important as training her body. [They spent countless hours together brainstorming.] She started experimenting with it whenever she could and became remarkably adept with it. [There was so much more that she could do with it that she had ever thought possible.] And her son was right, training her quirk was indispensable. [Being the mother of the Number One Hero brought a lot of villains to her doorstep, and once she began defeating them, in the name of self-defense, her capture count grew as high as some heros.]

She was happy and surrounded by loved ones and friends. She made food for them and fussed over them. She felt confident and competent. She loved her family, her capability, and her life.

[Then she died.]

[Then she was reborn.]

Her life has changed in every way and yet not changed at all. Her family isn't really in the picture. [Angry words, harsh emotions, and suffocating expectations were familiar but hurt just as much as they had before.] She married who she thought was the love of her life. [He went away, just like he had before.] She had a wonderful baby boy whose smile lit up her world. [Something happened the day her husband brought his boss home; Tsunayoshi hardly ever smiled anymore, and when he did it no longer matched Izuku's.]

She has some casual friends who would smile at her, wave, and chat with her at the market [She knows that they whisper about her having no husband to be seen, what about her must have driven her away; sometimes she wonders the same thing, seeing as this is the second time it had happened.] Her home is wonderful and she is thankful to her husband for it if nothing else. [It felt too large and empty at times, like there was something, someone, or someones missing.]

This time, though, she knew she wanted to be just as strong as Inko from the start. [It did take decades before she had started after all.] She started running and took gymnastics and dance classes first to please her Mother. [Endurance, flexibility, and grace were all things that Inko had always wanted but never had.] Her classes increased in difficulty and she slowly started running further in less time. [She was progressing so much more now that she could start young.]

Since she did not have a quirk anymore she learned how to use weapons. [Izuku had insisted she learned how to use a knife, but she hated using it and preferred using her quirk or running away when possible.] Learning to use knives again wasn't as difficult as she thought it would be. [And if she ended up keeping one on her at all times again, well, no one had to know.] From there she learned how to shoot guns, on the family trip outside Japan of course, and fell in love with them; she went as far as to go through the extreme lengths to become a licensed gun owner at home, which is not an easy feat by any stretch of the imagination. [Guns had been used when she was Inko, but they were not nearly as common.]

She moved out of her mostly toxic home environment and finished school. She took an interest in cooking professionally and started attending culinary school while working at a nearby cafe on the side to pay for her education. She became optimistic for the future, things were finally looking up.

[Then she met him.]

[Then he left.]

She was left alone in a large, empty house, with little to no friends, and their baby boy. [There were times that she had to remind herself she was missing Iemitsu, not Hisashi.] She lived through her days like she was fighting a one person war; at times Tsuna was the only reason she could get up in the mornings. [She had been blessed with another beautiful, cheerful, and sweet baby boy.] After five years she thought he wouldn't be coming back. [Hisashi had never come back. But it would be okay, Izuku and she had gotten along just fine without him.]

Resigned to being alone for the rest of her life, she was incredibly surprised when he showed up on her doorstep with his boss. [He had seemed so much like Grandpa Sota, Inko's neighbor.] She was so glad that he had come back, even for just a moment, because it meant he wasn't like Hisashi- he still loved her. [She had never gotten this as Inko, despite her desperately wanting it.]

It had all just been too good to be true, each moment made every second of loneliness feel worth it. [He had come back, and that meant more to her than he ever could have thought.] But just like all good things, it did eventually come to an end. [Being left, waving on a doorstep had been harder than she remembered.] And then her life took a turn for the worse. [She should have known, she should have known.]

Little Tsuna had been the light of her life, and his light was flickering very, very dim. [She could swear that he felt a little colder as well.] He no longer ran around with a bright smile on his face, his imagination running wild and carrying both of them off into little adventures. [He had never reminded her less of Izuku- and it shocked her more than it should have.] She was lucky on days where he would smile at her, really, really smile. [He always seemed so lazy or tired, she had never been quite sure which one.]

It was really hard for her to see him like this and it almost sent her back to those days where she could hardly get out of bed. [There did end up being days that she couldn't.] But she found new purpose, a new reason to get up in the mornings. [He had been her light, so now she would be his.] She put in every effort to help him and he became the center of her life in an entirely different way. [Katsudon ended up being made at least once a week, even though she knew he wasn't Izuku and didn't even know if it helped him any.]

A new routine formed and life went on. [Get up, make Tsuna lunch, get him up, make sure he gets to school on time, get housework done, and give him help when and where you can.] This time she notices the bullying, but he refuses to talk about it and she will never force anything from him. [She doesn't push him, even though there are days where she just wants to cry and beg him to tell her what's wrong so she can help.] There are good days and bad days just like always, and she tries her best to make the good days great and the bad days better. [Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, but she does her best.]

[Then she checked the mail.]

[Then she hired a tutor.]

She isn't an idiot. She knows there is something else going on here, but this has Iemitsu's fingerprints all over it. [Iemitsu was many things, but he wouldn't want their son dead.] She was a little surprised by the tutor, but had encountered stranger things as Inko. [Reborn did not even come close.] He seemed to be good for Tsuna anyways. And anything that was good for Tsuna was very, very welcome in her house.

Tsuna smiled more. He did his homework and got better grades in school. He made friends. He even cleaned his room! It was enough to make her cry in relief, and there were times where she did. Her baby boy was happy again and that was all she could ever ask for.

She looks up from washing the dishes and catches him looking at her. She smiles at him and is nearly blinded by the smile he gives in return. It is only when he turns to talk to one of his many friends that she asked to stay for dinner that she is able to look away. His light is back and what she likes to think of as her light seems to burn a little brighter at that.

Her house is full of people now. They are her friends. They are her and Tsuna's family now. She is no longer alone. Her house is now a home.

And sure, they are all very quirky, but that's okay because she doesn't mind. Quirks or no quirks, people are people, family is family, and home is home. She is loved again, and that is all that matters.


End file.
